Maybe you have recently gone to a wedding and it has reminded you of the time that you and your spouse got married. You were so in love that you never even consider that things in your marriage could seem so bleak, right? And, yet, here you are, maybe even considering the D word - divorce.
Divorce might be easy for some people, especially if there are no children involved in the marriage. However, maybe the promises that you and your spouse made to each other truly meant something to each of you. If you realize that you still love each other and you want your marriage to work, maybe you already are working on a good plan. On the other hand, maybe you need some outside help. If that's the case, from sitting down together to have a frank discussion to seeking marriage counseling services, here are some things that might help you.
Be The Initiator
Have you noticed how much pride affects the way you and your spouse act? You might know that he or she also wants to talk, but your spouse isn't taking the initiative. Step up to the plate and initiate a frank conversation with your husband or wife. Choose a time and a place where you won't have any distractions so that you can focus on your problem.
Begin the discussion by expressing the love you still feel for your spouse. Even if there's only a spark of it, remember how you felt when you got married and remind your spouse of that magical time in your life. Speak honestly about things you know you are doing that are causing problems. Gently and appropriately bring up things that he or she has done that might be part of the problem.
Make a specific plan together of things you can do to overcome the difficult time you are having. For example, perhaps one of you is spending too much time at work. Are you or your spouse getting enough alone time? If not, what can you do to remedy that?
Seek Marriage Counseling Services
If you have tried many things to make your marriage work and things are still not going well, it might be time to see the help from a marriage counselor. Your family doctor or your ecclesiastic leader will be happy to provide names of professionals who can help you.
The marriage counselor will have the training and the experience needed to get you back onto the right path. Be prepared to do homework. For example, the counselor might recommend that you write a letter to each other expressing gratitude and love that you already feel. It might be suggested that you arrange for a weekly date without the kids and even without other couples.
If intimacy is part of the problem, the marriage counselor will know how to help you in that important area of your married life, too. You might be given reading material that discusses ways you can improve the intimacy in your life. If infidelity has been a key factor, the marriage counselor will have the experience to help you deal with that serious problem, too.